How to stop self-esteem and cultivate good self-esteem

Self-esteem is shaped by your thoughts, relationships, and experiences. Here are some important things about the extent of self-esteem and the benefits of having a healthy opinion of yourself.

Self-esteem is the general opinion you have of yourself, that is, how you feel about your abilities and your limits. When you have good self-esteem, you feel good about yourself and see yourself as deserving of respect from others. When you have low self-esteem, you place little value on your opinions and ideas. You may constantly worry that you’re not good enough.

Here’s how to tell if your self-esteem needs a boost

Factors that shape and influence self-esteem

Self-esteem begins to form in early childhood. Factors that can influence self-esteem include:

Your thoughts and perceptions
How other people react to you
Experiences at home, school, work
Illness, disability or injury
Role and status in society
Media posts

Relationships with your loved ones: parents, siblings, peers, teachers and other important contacts are important for your self-esteem. Many beliefs you have about yourself today reflect messages you have received from these people over time.

If your relationships are strong and you receive generally positive feedback, you’re more likely to see yourself as helpful and have higher self-esteem. If you receive mostly negative feedback and are often criticized, teased, or belittled by others, you are more likely to struggle with low self-esteem.

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But past experiences and relationships don’t have to be your destiny. It is your own thoughts that have perhaps the greatest impact on self-esteem and these thoughts are under your control. If you tend to focus on your weaknesses or flaws, working on change can help you develop a more balanced and accurate view of yourself.

Extent of self-esteem

Self-esteem tends to fluctuate over time, depending on your circumstances. It’s normal to go through periods when you feel down and periods when you feel good about yourself. However, in general, self-esteem stays in a range that reflects how you feel overall, and increases slightly with age.

Recognize the extremes of your self-esteem

low self-esteem

When you have low or negative self-esteem, you place little value on your opinions and ideas. You focus on your perceived weaknesses and flaws and give little credit to your skills and strengths. Your belief is that others are more capable or more successful.

You may have difficulty accepting positive feedback and fear failure. What can prevent you from succeeding at work or school.

Have good self-esteem

Good self-esteem means that you have a balanced and accurate view of yourself. For example, you have a good opinion of your abilities but you recognize your flaws.
When self-esteem is healthy and grounded in reality, it’s hard to have too much of it. Bragging and feeling superior to others around you is not a sign of having too much self-esteem. Rather, it is evidence of insecurity and low self-esteem.

Benefits of a healthy self-esteem

When you value yourself and have good self-esteem, you feel safe and useful. You have generally positive relationships with others and are confident in your abilities. You are also open to learning and feedback. They can help you learn and master new skills.

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With good self-esteem, you are:

You speak confidently about your needs and opinions
Confidence in your ability to make decisions
Able to form safe and honest relationships and less likely to stay in unhealthy relationships
Realistic in your expectations and less likely to be overly critical of yourself and others
More resilient and better able to cope with stress and setbacks
Self-esteem touches virtually every facet of your life. Maintaining a healthy and realistic view of yourself is not about bragging. It’s about learning to love and respect yourself with your flaws and everything else.


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